gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
