trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
