Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
