Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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