mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
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