super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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