Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
