we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
