Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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