remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
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Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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