Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
