On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
