i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
