I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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