i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize