Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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