and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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