I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
