He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
