You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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