He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
