i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
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