That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
