Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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