Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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