A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
