I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
4 words: hood of his car
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
