i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
