can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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