You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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