Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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