this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
