So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
