lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
