We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
