I am puke
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
