it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
