the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
