call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
