he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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