grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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