I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
