yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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