At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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