I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
