just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
