I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's no shave November. This is our time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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