It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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