ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
