I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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