I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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