I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
