Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Randomize
