Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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