my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
